Hi Dana, I'm enjoying your dating stories, your passion, smarts and vulnerability. As a therapist and dating coach, I'm also always collecting people's romantic (or not so much?) experiences.
For what it's worth, it seems to me that you could reduce the pressure on yourself and your companion re: how immediate and powerful the connection needs to be, w/ your reward being more ease & fun. Looking at it through a temperament angle, you're probably in the catagory of "Romantically Impulsive" vs "Romantically Cautious" - and it can hurt when your date is constructed differently - if they need to take more time, collect more impressions, and whose emotions accrete at the pace that info is gathered. It's one reason that being similar re: impulsivity v caution helps relationships get off the ground. But it's possible to adjust somewhat, if you want to experiment. Wishing you well!
Dana, another great story. I love the reflection and I restacked with my favorite (but hard to choose) quote, "I’m not a lost child. I’m not wandering into a bear’s den to forage for sustenance: emotional, romantic, or literal. I don’t need to settle for gruel — at any temperature. I don’t need to sneak into a strange bear’s bed — no matter how comfortable."
Lynette, thank you for this. That passage felt important to write — and even more important to re-read now. I love that you chose that line. It’s the moment the story shifts from performance to self-possession. I’m so grateful you’re reading this closely. 💛
None of us will ever be perfect. I keep saying after a solid ten years of daily attempts, damn, that was ableist, sorry. So being aware and correcting yourself? It’s not perfect, but it’s a big start.
In this example, “idi—“, I believe, but I watched you with someone else and you both used a lot of it. We all learn it from the cradle and everyone still has it until and unless they go about unlearning it, as we do with other knee-jerk beliefs/successful propaganda we’ve learned. It’s still easy to google ableist language.
Hi Dana, I'm enjoying your dating stories, your passion, smarts and vulnerability. As a therapist and dating coach, I'm also always collecting people's romantic (or not so much?) experiences.
For what it's worth, it seems to me that you could reduce the pressure on yourself and your companion re: how immediate and powerful the connection needs to be, w/ your reward being more ease & fun. Looking at it through a temperament angle, you're probably in the catagory of "Romantically Impulsive" vs "Romantically Cautious" - and it can hurt when your date is constructed differently - if they need to take more time, collect more impressions, and whose emotions accrete at the pace that info is gathered. It's one reason that being similar re: impulsivity v caution helps relationships get off the ground. But it's possible to adjust somewhat, if you want to experiment. Wishing you well!
Dana, another great story. I love the reflection and I restacked with my favorite (but hard to choose) quote, "I’m not a lost child. I’m not wandering into a bear’s den to forage for sustenance: emotional, romantic, or literal. I don’t need to settle for gruel — at any temperature. I don’t need to sneak into a strange bear’s bed — no matter how comfortable."
Lynette, thank you for this. That passage felt important to write — and even more important to re-read now. I love that you chose that line. It’s the moment the story shifts from performance to self-possession. I’m so grateful you’re reading this closely. 💛
I didn’t give away the punchline I hope. If I did I am sorry.😣
In three stories, I read about Dana finding a relationship with Dana while passing through the medium of other people.
I like to say that everything is everything. While I can't define everything, I can define what is not.
These are not stories of men.
These are stories of Dana exploring Dana with the trial and error of dating.
I'm tuning in to meet Dana.
This woman of passion and projection who wants to express, articulate and experience.
Date 100 men, chase 200 more.
Tell me all about it because every word leads me to who Dana is and that's why I'm reading this now.
😁
None of us will ever be perfect. I keep saying after a solid ten years of daily attempts, damn, that was ableist, sorry. So being aware and correcting yourself? It’s not perfect, but it’s a big start.
In this example, “idi—“, I believe, but I watched you with someone else and you both used a lot of it. We all learn it from the cradle and everyone still has it until and unless they go about unlearning it, as we do with other knee-jerk beliefs/successful propaganda we’ve learned. It’s still easy to google ableist language.
You’re such a pleasure to have found, but it would be even better if you unlearned your ableist language.
Oh gosh, I didn’t realize I was using it. My apologies, and if you let me know which phrases are problematic, I will revisit. Thanks!
(What a lovely response, also.)